Fatherhood

It All Gets Lost

August 21, 2015

Today is officially August 20, 2015. That means Lela is officially 8 months old. It also means summer is officially on life support.

It’s still breathing. It still has a pulse. But it will be gone sooner than later.

What happened? What happened to all that time? I have not been to my actual job since the middle of June. Granted, Meghaan and I have worked ridiculously unpredictable hours since then, but it was up to us to determine when we worked and what we did.

We did a lot, and we did nothing. But more than that, we just got lost.

Lost in the moments.

The happiness.

The sadness.

The stress.

The joy.

_MG_2187

It seems like, when you look back on everything, it all gets lost.

Time gets lost. Priorities get lost. Expectations get lost.

You lose a certain part of you and your former life when you become a parent.

And I like that.

_MG_2753

Today I emailed a client and said, and I quote, “I planned to come to your shop today but Lela pooped her pants really badly at Fred Meyer and it was downhill from there”, as an explanation for why I didn’t bring her the shirts that Meghaan and I printed last night at some ungodly hour.

I never thought I would ever tell someone I could not come meet them because my child pooped their pants in Fred Meyer, but here I am.

I have become a poop excuser.

But in the end, I am still a part of this experience. The experience of these two girls who I adore. And I don’t want to lose that.

IMG_2326

This will all eventually get lost. Not the love we feel for each other; I just mean the moments. The moments will get lost.

The shuffle loses everything. Think back on your childhood and try to remember what happened.

We can’t. You can’t really remember those memories. But they matter, and they formed you. They formed me. They formed everyone we know.

IMG_2739

This is all relevant. Everything we do is relevant. If you’re a parent, you are making a difference. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, strangers, and bystanders- you are making a difference.

We spend time doing nothing or something and in the end, it’s important.

Things get lost. Conversations and conflicts and all of our concerns eventually get lost.

But these connections never do.

IMG_2250[1]

You Might Also Like

No Comments

Leave a Reply